Talking it out: how one conversation changed my friendship with Eva

Since I have already analyzed Eva’s personality and behaviour, I wanted to do some research to better understand what’s going on and the types of friendships I will have in the future. The change in Eva’s behaviour from being such a supportive friend in high school to the total opposite now interested me a lot, especially because I am currently taking a Family Studies course. 

One theory I learned about in class that resonated with me is the Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. It explains that as people develop throughout their life, their goals can change for social interaction. In this particular friendship, the SST can be such a powerful lens, explaining that our social choices aren’t just random; they are actually driven by one’s perception of time as well as their current goals in life. That being said, this might explain why Eva underwent that “180 change,” seeking information and shifting her goals from emotional connection to networking. 

Eva might have viewed our friendship in terms of future benefits for her, rather than as a pure friendship, which was her high school goal. Thus, Eva’s present-oriented goal at university was purely emotional regulation, which she prioritized as a high-quality connection with me that only made her feel good in the moment. However, I was looking for deeper and meaningful friendships because I realized that was an important part of becoming a young adult. As I observed Eva’s other interactions, I noticed that she would only befriend high-status individuals, so I understood that Eva was likely in an information-seeking phase. As I had more information now about our friendship, I decided to talk to Eva about it because deep down I knew she was still a good friend; she just might have been stepping into a new chapter of her life. 

I told her about my feelings and what I learned from my family studies class, and she agreed that she might not have been following the friendship rules. After I explained this to her, she changed her behaviour completely. Obviously, it took some time, but the fact she noticed it meant a lot to me and ultimately changed our friendship in the best way. So my question to you is: Have you ever sat down with your friend and talked about an uncomfortable topic, or do you usually just let the friendship fade away?