Forced Proximity: A blessing and a curse
- madisynnegwalter04
- Jul 8
- 1 min read
Updated: Jul 20
My roommate Sarah and I have been experiencing conflict recently. It felt like when we first started living together, we hit it off wonderfully, but as time has progressed, we keep experiencing hiccups in our friendship. It started as little pet peeves, like how she won’t switch the garbage bags out, or leaves empty boxes in the cupboards. But it has developed into a distain for a lot more living habits she has, like how she consistently leaves her dishes in the sink instead of immediately washing them, and how whenever I am in the shower she will still barge in to use the bathroom. This has caused me to create space between us because I have been frustrated.
However, I don’t think she is handling it well, as she has started to become quite rude to me, and avoid me as well. I know it is only fair since I have been doing the same behavior to her, but it has frustrated me because I wish she would notice what is bothering me.
It feels like the forced proximity that we have had started off as this great thing, but over time has just become a burden we both have to put up with and maintain because we live different lifestyles. I don’t really know how to manage cohabitating with her if we continue to butt heads. It feels like it is starting to seep into our friendships with our other roommates, and the tension is rising. I do truly value her as a friend but not agreeing on how we live has truly left me at a loss for words.
A conversation to sit down and work out some of these issues would be beneficial. Even framing it as ways we can both make sure the apartment stays clean. I would suggest putting the conversation in feeling words but also set up a chore chart.
Even if this is new for Sarah, learning how to cohabitate and keep a clean place is beneficial for everyone.
Hope for the best and if worst case scenario happens then you know what you want in a roommate.
If you truly value the relationship you have with Sarah, I suggest having an honest conversation about the tension that you two have had building up. I had a lot of issues with my roommate in University, and we never solved our issues, which ultimately led to a huge explosion where one of us had to move out. An honest conversation would allow you to express your frustrations but also let her release the pent-up anger she also must feel given the energy she has given you.